I was watching performers at Festival International–a local annual music festival–and thinking, “I want to be up on that stage.” Also, I kept thinking how ridiculous it is that I want to do this, but I’m afraid of playing in the store where I work and am supposed to demonstrate instruments for people to buy. I guess part of it is because I don’t want to screw up and have my coworkers talking behind my back saying I suck, especially when one of them is my ex who is a performing musician. Actually, I became kind of depressed when a young woman he played with showed up unexpectedly. A small part of it is because I do get a little jealous thinking how he sees any woman besides me as a woman. Mostly, I was jealous and depressed about him and everyone else moving on with their lives and doing something they love except me.
Of course, this, too, is ridiculous. I am moving on with my life; I’m just moving at a slower pace, which totally sucks. I still live with my mom because I’m afraid if I move out, I will be stuck in my current job. However, I have been there for a year and a half anyway. I guess I better end this post; the wordpress site is freezing on almost every word I type. TTFN (Ta-ta for now)
I decided to spend this afternoon sorting through job sites. Wow, what a headache. I am currently employed in sales; however, I am trying to move into journalism or TV/radio/film writing or production. (I still keep entertaining the idea of being a musician as well–since I did spend years training to be one. I think I could probably be in both industries, as long as I make money doing one of them.)
Anyway, job hunting is still as depressing now as it was before. There are thousands of places to apply and millions of people applying. It’s hard to stay focused and not be overwhelmed by the figures. All I keep reading is three to five years of experience required for positions where I am (mostly) otherwise qualified.
I guess starting a blog or website with informational videos, podcasts, and/or articles might be the fastest way to gain experience. I just hate giving work away for free. I work hard writing articles and producing shows, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to give away all of my work when I know it’s quality material. I understand giving away some in order to earn a reputation to sell others, but it’s very difficult for me to give work away.
Of course, it needs to be seen in order for it to sell.
Something I recently relearned about myself: if I don’t do something immediately, it will probably take me a millennium to finish it. Current procrastination project: a news article on Easter. Yes, it’s obviously way overdue, but it’s for a class, and I need to do it. I’ve had a hell of a time interviewing people, and the longer I put it off, the harder it is to do. Also, I keep having each week’s work added to what is due, and I realized yesterday my final day of class is May 1st. Yikes! Anyway, I finally have some usable quotes and information, so hopefully I can finish it tonight or tomorrow.
PS: Did I mention I own a Procrastinator’s Planner? At the time I thought it hilariously apt; now, I think I should have taken it as a warning…
Wouldn’t it be great if the library kept a record of every book or item you checked out? Then, you could see if there was a pattern.
While I do love reading, there are a few instances where I have trouble finishing a book. Either personal circumstances, such as needing to finish personal projects, inhibit my progress, or I find the book less interesting than other ones I have delayed reading. Generally, the latter is the real issue. I love reading fantasy and scifi novels. Sometimes, I’ll read a work of realistic fiction. More recently, I started reading more biographies, memoirs, and similar works or articles. When the writing is mediocre or the subject of three or four chapters is one instance in a person’s childhood, which deserved only a paragraph at best, these books can be tiring. However, a well written biography or memoir can be a secret gold mine containing trivia and insight concerning the current or past worlds.
One of my current reads is Vanity of Duluoz by Jack Kerouac. I never read any of his other works, and this one was staring at me from the library shelf. So far, it’s kind of a drag. He spends the beginning of the book reminiscing about his days as a football player and lovable scoundrel and goof, which would be fine if it didn’t continue into infinity. I’m close to the part when he begins his career at Columbia; I hope the book picks up from there. Another point I find slightly irritating is his constant “dear wifey” references–they take the place of “dear diary” in this story. Also, sometimes it’s hard reading about someone going on a personal journey when your journey demands more and more of your time. Anyway, while I prefer not to waste time reading or doing something I don’t like, I like Duluoz‘s prose enough to make myself finish it. Besides, I should read at least one Kerouac novel in my life.
PS: I do find it interesting, as an American with strong French roots, to read about another French American.