Thoughts last night

I was watching performers at Festival International–a local annual music festival–and thinking, “I want to be up on that stage.”  Also, I kept thinking how ridiculous it is that I want to do this, but I’m afraid of playing in the store where I work and am supposed to demonstrate instruments for people to buy.  I guess part of it is because I don’t want to screw up and have my coworkers talking behind my back saying I suck, especially when one of them is my ex who is a performing musician.  Actually, I became kind of depressed when a young woman he played with showed up unexpectedly.  A small part of it is because I do get a little jealous thinking how he sees any woman besides me as a woman.  Mostly,  I was jealous and depressed about him and everyone else moving on with their lives and doing something they love except me.

Of course, this, too, is ridiculous.  I am moving on with my life; I’m just moving at a slower pace, which totally sucks.  I still live with my mom because I’m afraid if I move out, I will be stuck in my current job.  However, I have been there for a year and a half anyway.  I guess I better end this post; the wordpress site is freezing on almost every word I type.  TTFN (Ta-ta for now)


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