I both do and don’t want to do things today.
I need to finish the adjustments to my thesis paper. I meant to do them yesterday, but I ran a bunch of errands and did the minimum in order to say I did a little bit of something yesterday. I think about what I have left to do–and how many rewrites I will have after I submit the material–and I don’t want to do any of it. However, the other part of my brain knows if I finish it now, I will feel better. Therefore, I am entering the data to test for intercoder reliability. It’s a small step in the right direction. I also made a list of theories and checking to make sure I can make mine fit the information for my paper.
I also need to visit with my bandmate and review the music for a show in June. We were going to do it last week, but there were schedule conflicts. Now, I’m sort of busy doing stuff I should have finished a long time ago. Even though it’s something I want to do, I feel tired and kind of don’t want to do it. 😛 It’s okay. We’ll figure it out and do it soon.
Some of my friends graduated today, and I am very excited for them. A couple of them are working in their chosen fields, and I think the others will find jobs they want soon.
I called someone about a position with a sound effects recording studio today. He was in the middle of a project, so I am waiting for a return call this afternoon. I really hope he calls me and offers a paid full-time position. Of course, that’s the best case scenario. After reading about him, I think I could handle being an unpaid intern for him if it means adding to my reel and job experience. I also applied to a local retail store in case I don’t receive any money. I will probably apply to a few more if the phone call tonight doesn’t pan out. I also have a couple of other industry-related numbers to call, but I think they may be in the same boat as the guy I called today.
My friends and I have a paying gig in June. June is a long time from now, and I have bills to pay. Even if the other group projects I am trying turn into paying gigs, I will still need some sort of work to pay my bills. My electricity bill is outrageous now, since both my dehumidifier and air conditioner are running. I try to turn of the a/c whenever possible, but I know it’s going to be a hot summer in a hot apartment. Also, I need to pay for dance classes and other expenses besides the bare necessities.
Perhaps the key to writer’s block–and to self-doubt–is the fear of being judged. The solution, of course, is to not give a shit. But the job of being a writer is to give a shit. And the giving of shits is both what gives birth to the work, & the catalyst for the doubts.
–Stephen Volk in Black Static issue #44