Wave of Mutilation

I keep finding new ways to procrastinate.  I say, “I’ll check the news online, then work” or “Let me finish cleaning, then I’ll practice.”  I do eventually accomplish my goals, but I feel guilty about taking time to do other things.  I don’t have a fixed schedule because every week is different.  I suppose the best thing I can do is continue working and finish by a deadline, even if it is at the last minute.  I become tense and irritated and don’t feel satisfied with the finished product, but I know I can do it if I try.

Break away from the wave of mutilation!

Part of why I procrastinate with my personal projects is fear of rejection and failure.  I have to remember, if you don’t fall you never learn to walk.  Pushing ahead to the goal is the only way of reaching it, even if you fall in a few valleys or cross the wrong roads along the way.

I’m still sort of scared of playing music for my boyfriend.  He really wants to hear me, though, and I think he’s a little irritated that I won’t play for him.  I want to, and maybe letting him see me mess up is good.  If he can watch me play and not be the best thing since sliced bread, maybe I can play for other people who know more about music without going to pieces.  By the way, I mean playing guitar.  I play saxophone with a few groups, so I’m mostly comfortable with it.  I still feel like the other small combo people judge me a bit.  I need to push them out of my mind and only worry about what I am doing.  Forget those other people.

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